"Life is suffering," is one of the Four Noble Truths in the Buddhist religion. Even though I am not Buddhist, I agree. Suffering is universal because it is an integral part of the human experience. Grieving is one of the few experiences in life we all have in common. Show me one person who has never cried in life. Go ahead, I will wait. Everybody grieves. It is quite common for women to be vocal about grief. For an example, most talk shows are female topic focused. In contrast, it is not common for men to be vulnerable and openly share their grief. In the book, Men and Grief by Mitch Cohen M. Ed. and Contributors: Jon Yaeger; Robert Rainey; Dom Caratzas; Derek Scott, RSW, and Stuart Smith, LPC, men share their stories of grief and how they found strength to overcome sorrow through family, therapy, community and love. Let's discuss.....
We All Grieve Differently
Suffering does not last always, but it hurts when it happens. Grief comes in all forms. People are bound to trespass on our space and cause us grief from the team member who refuses to do their part in a school group project or the neighbor who plays loud music at 1 am when you are trying to get some sleep before going to work at 5 am. We also grieve from significant losses such as a spouse, friends, family, finances, missed opportunities, regret and failing health.
Schools Need to Teach How to Cope with Grief
My elementary and high schools did not offer classes on how to cope with grief. We learned about math and science, but not how to process our feelings. A common reality is grief is not a topic often discussed in schools. Therefore, there are a lot of grown adults with unprocessed grief who take it out on others. That boss who arrives at the office every day in a bad mood is probably grieving about something. Fortunately, the importance of mental health counseling is becoming more popular, but we still have a long way to go. Just like it is normal to have a primary care physician, we need to make it normal to have a therapist.
Men grieve, too
Men are culturally a symbol of strength and power. This image, historically, does not give permission for men to be vulnerable. It starts in childhood. I have seen parents soothe their daughters' bruises after a fall. These same parents tell their sons to "be strong and man up" after a fall. Dom Caratzas, shared that "Since I was a kid I was taught to suppress grief in all forms (Cohen, 6). "The fact is that men feel deeply and just as deeply as women."(Cohen, X).
Men and Grief expands the conversation about grief, that usually only included women, to include men. The book is very well written and formatted. Careful time and effort were invested into editing making it concise and easy to read. Each author tells a unique story that pulls at your heart strings. You feel for their stories as you see yourself in their narrative. For me, I recently experienced two life altering events in my life. This book helped me see my grief as a painful part of life that I can overcome through acceptance, therapy, love and time.
Men and Grief is a book written about men, but women can benefit from reading it as well.
References:
Men and Grief by Mitch Cohen M. ED. Contributors: Jon Yaeger; Robert Rainey; Dom Caratzas; Derek Scott, RSW, and Stuart Smith, LPC
https://www.amazon.com/Men-Grief-Stories-Through-Struggles/dp/B0C8QYW586